Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
