My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Randomize
