wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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