Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
