Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Dicks are not precious.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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