I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Randomize
