My liver just broke up with me...
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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