If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
