I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
