i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Randomize
