I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
