he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Its about making memories worth repressing
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
