Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
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