Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
