I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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