Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
