Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
