I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
