Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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