I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
