I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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