addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
