the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
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