I can tuck mytits in my pants
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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