You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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