So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
