I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
50% drunk capacity currently
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
