probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
