apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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