I feel like I'm in dance class right now
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
