i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
