david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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