is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
