A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
