If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
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