All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I will be naked everywhere
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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