i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
