i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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