I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
NoShamevember. You game?
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
