he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
