My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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