If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
