she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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