I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Randomize
