did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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