I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
