the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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