sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
