First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
