I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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